Dover is a strange place to be. I love it and hate it, and can't ever seem to explain either to anyone. Im in a spot where I need to figure out a next step in a million different ways all at once. All I can seem to worry about is everyone but myself. This comes across as a big deal. As if I am some sort of saint caring only what other people feel.
Not the case.
What the reality is, is that on top of not knowing at all how to make myself happy, I only WORRY about how other people feel, and very rarely DO anything about it. Not that I wouldn't if given the chance. There is usually not much I CAN do. However, the thing that keeps sneaking up on me is that (although I do not know what I do want) I know what I don't want. And I always make sure that's not happening.
I know how to steer away, what I dont know is where TO steer. Wrong directions are plaguing me to no end and I cant trust myself or anyone else to tell me where to go. What does need to happen is that I need to get comfortable with myself and my place. Start doing something good for myself that makes me feel right and happy and strong. After that I need to rebuild my relationships with people, and regain trust, and closeness with people I have drifted from, along with others who have recently entered my life. What happens after that is the part I dont care about. So long as I am content with myself when I fall asleep at night, and am satisfied that I am putting forth and receiving some form of love and trust in this world, Im going to be happy.
I've been watching a lot of john lydon interviews on youtube. There was one where this guy asked him what exactly it was that he thought he had and he said "the hippies call it freedom, but there's got to be a better word for it than that."
....totally.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment